One key to effective leadership is emotional
intelligence. According to Tracy (2017), emotional intelligence is the
capability to manage and understand emotions. As leaders, we must be able to
manage our own emotions while grasping the emotions of our followers or fellow
co-workers. Goleman (2012) discussed the importance of the four dimensions of
emotional intelligence which include (a) self-awareness, (b) self-management, (c)
empathy, and (d) social skills. Each dimension plays an important role in
becoming emotionally intelligent. Personally, I view some of the dimensions as
strengths and others as weaknesses.
According to Goleman (2012), self- awareness is the
ability to know what we feel and understand why we feel the way we do. According
to Lipman (20145), an effective leader must be aware of how their actions and
emotions affect other. Self-awareness is important because if you are not in
tune with yourself then two things could happen. First, not understanding your
feelings could lead to poor self-management which, as a leader, could set a
tone of negativity or dissonance. Also, if you are not in tune with your own
emotions then how will you ever accomplish being in tune with the emotions of
your followers and co-workers. We must learn how to be self-aware as a link to
building a trusting and empathetic relationships with our followers.
I feel like I have had decent success at becoming
cognizant of my emotions. I am usually able to get in tune with myself and
understand how I am feeling at any given time. However, according to Goleman
(2012), understanding how I feel does not make me self-aware. I must also
understand why I feel the way I feel. This is one step that I must work to
develop. There are instances when I feel angry, perturbed, or annoyed and
cannot put my finger on the reason behind the feeling. In times of positive
emotions, not knowing why I feel happy is not a big deal. But not understanding
why I have negative feelings (irritated or agitated) about a situation, could
lead to these feelings getting stronger and possibly spreading to others. Have
you ever been around someone who is angry? Though you were not angry, you may begin
to feel a bit annoyed by the situation. This is because emotions and feelings
are easily spread (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005). Therefore, I must learn to pay
more attention to the cause of my emotions.
Self- awareness, at times, has played a positive role
in my professional life. I once worked for a very dissonant leader. They were
known to spread negative emotions and take credit for the work of their
followers. One day this leader came to my desk and had very stern words to say
about a report I had delivered at their request. They said the numbers were
wrong and the report had the incorrect dates. Basically, everything about the
report was incorrect in their eyes. This confrontation angered me! I looked at
my email and confirmed that I ran the report correctly. I wanted to go talk to
them but realized that my anger would be contagious and it would be good for nobody,
so I convinced myself not to visit their office. The next morning they came to
apologize and admitted they were incorrect in scolding me. If I was not aware
of my emotions then I would have made the situation much worse and it could
have negatively affected my career.
Self-management is the ability to handle our
distressing emotions so they do not negatively affect our production (Goleman,
2012). I feel that I do not always succeed in handling my emotions. I know that
emotions tend to get the best of all of us but I must work to be more aware of
the negativity my undesirable emotions could create.
For example, the other day I watched a college
football game that created a whirlwind of emotions. The final result was my
favorite football team blowing a 24 point lead. Over the last couple of years,
I have not gotten angry at sports as I realize that they serve as a mode of
entertainment. However, on this day I did get angry. When my girlfriend got
home, she did not even have to ask how the game went as she could tell by my
poor mood. After a couple of minutes, she told me that my bad mood was
beginning to rub off on her, which made me realize the effects of my poor
self-management.
Though this example took place home, it must serve as
a learning experience. If this would have taken place at work then it could
have been a hindrance on my career. Nobody wants to be around an individual who
spreads negative feelings. My girlfriend told me I reminded her of Eeyore the
other day because my negative feelings about the game opened the floodgates of
negativity about everything. I must be careful and make sure I suppress the
negative emotions as a leader. Goleman (2012) reminded us that we should work
to manage the distressing emotions while attuning to the positive emotions.
Empathy is the ability to know what another individual
is feeling and adjust your actions to these feelings (Goleman, 2012). This is
the dimension of emotional intelligence in which I feel I fail at most
consistently, which really opens up my eyes. I have proclaimed in many posts
that I feel that people are the most important factor of a company. I have
stated that leaders need to pay attention to their followers in an effort to be
efficient. According to Goleman (2007), individuals are wired to show empathy
and help others, but we fail to remain empathetic because our focus is in the
wrong place. Most of the time, our focus is on us and our complete
self-absorption (Goleman, 2007).
One example displaying my lack of empathy occurred
when I worked at a restaurant in high school. On one particularly cold day, one
of the managers sent me to the nearby grocery store to pick up a couple of
supplies. This is a trip I made many times and would usually walk but decided
against it this time due to the weather. I found the supplies and as I was
checking out, I realized another one of the managers was a couple of people
behind me in line. We began to talk and he said that he walked over but was
uncomfortable due to the cold. I told him I decided to drive this time. I paid
for the groceries, waved at him, got in my car, and drove back to work.
It was not
until I saw him come in the back door shivering that I realized what I had
done. I was so caught up in me that I did not offer to give him a ride. I did
not comprehend that he said that he walked in the cold. I did not listen enough
to show empathy. I apologized profusely and he took it well, but I think about
that instance often. I think about how easy it would have been to get out of my
own head and think about someone other than me. Though this leader took my lack
of empathy well this time, I may not be so lucky in future instances. My absent
empathy could lead to negative consequences as a leader. So, how do I learn
from this mistake and try to be more empathetic?
Goleman (2007) stated that we must begin to pay
attention to the difference between focusing on ourselves and focusing on
others. I must begin to work on focusing on others. Though I think about my
previous example often, it did not serve as a great learning experience. I
still have a flaw of missing cues from others because I get so wrapped up in
me. There are times where I will have an interaction with a friend or coworker
and realize that I was not empathetic after the conversation has taken place. I
will slow down and think about our exchange and then realize my lack of
empathy. As Goleman (2007) stated, all it takes is the simple act of noticing.
Goleman (2012) stated that the learned relationships
or social skills consist of combining the other three dimensions together to
develop relationships. I have always considered myself lacking in the
department of social skills. I have always felt a bit uncomfortable in social
situations. In the past, I blamed my lack of social skills on my introverted
personality. However, this week has taught me that these absent skills may be
linked to my lack of emotional intelligence.
I admit that I am not proficient in three of the four
skills. I see each dimension as a stepping stone to emotional intelligence and
because I often unconsciously lack empathy then I cannot claim that I have
great social skills. Though I claim to have a deficiency in social skills, they
can be improved. Learning how to manage my emotions will help to increase my
empathy which could increase my social skills. As Goleman (2007) reminded us,
we must learn to pay full attention to the individuals around us in an effort
to become more emotionally intelligent.
References
Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard
Business School Publishing.
Goleman, D. (2007). Why aren’t we more compassionate?
[Video File]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion
Goleman, D. [Big Think]. (2012). Daniel Goleman
introduces emotional intelligence [Video File]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
Lipman V. (2015). Why the best leaders are self-aware.
Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2014/09/16/why-the-best-leaders-are-self-aware/#18c70fd42f02
Tracy. B. (2017). Why emotional intelligence is
indispensable for leaders. Retrieved from
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2017/10/30/why-emotional-intelligence-is-indispensable-for-leaders/#1b7800ed275b
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