According to McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston (2008),
resonant leaders have a precise sense of who they are which includes their
strengths, weaknesses, and what they need to adjust in order to succeed. This
week I had the opportunity to reflect on who I really am. This reflection included
areas such as my social identities, strengths, weaknesses, roles, and taking a
look at a lifeline depicting my important events and changes. Through this reflection,
I learned several things about my ‘real self.’
In my working life, I realized that I have not
changed jobs often. I began working at a barbecue restaurant at the age of 15
and kept that job until college. Throughout my college education, I worked
sporadically at an Italian restaurant. After college, I became an accounts
receivable clerk for a local law firm and I kept that job for four and a half
years until I moved to Florida. After my move to Florida, I accepted my current
job and have been employed for nearly ten years.
McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston (2008) asked if, in
looking at my work history, I noticed a pattern of leaving jobs due to boredom.
As I pondered this question, I began to wonder why I do not have a habit of
changing jobs due to boredom or the amount of time spent in a position. I
realized that, though I was born in 1981, I approach work like a baby boomer. I
feel a sense of loyalty to the organization and do not feel comfortable with
change. According to Milligan (2015), baby boomers are motivated by long-term
goals so they tend to stay with a company longer. This correlation makes sense
because I have always said that I feel like a boomer in the body of a
millennial. Some of my favorite music comes from the sixties and seventies, so having
the same professional mind frame as baby boomer should not be a surprise to me.
In thinking back on the rhythms of my career, I also
discovered the importance of working for resonant leaders. Not long after I
began at my current organization, I was placed with a dissonant leader. This
leader did not understand the importance of hope, compassion, and mindfulness
and their leadership techniques began to not only wear me down but also I began
to mimic this leadership style. I was dissonant at home, which led to
substantial relationship problems. I was at a point where I was entering the
sacrifice syndrome when, luckily, I was transferred to a leader who understood
the importance of resonance. With the help of this leader, I started to gain my
self-confidence and began approaching life and work in a different manner
(McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008). As I look back at this situation, I
realized that I must attempt to be resonant so I do not create dissonant actions
in my followers.
“Our social context has an enormous impact on our
beliefs, actions, self-image, and image in others’ eyes” (McKee, Boyatzis,
Johnston, 2008, p. 120). Isaken (2013) stated that an individual’s self is
constructed by their social interactions with others. So, what social roles do
I hold and how do they help to define my real self?
As I began to think about my social identities, I
realized that I do not hold numerous social roles. I possess the normal social
identities such as son, brother, uncle, boyfriend, friend, accountant, and graduate
student. I am even the treasurer of the Professional Counsel at work. However,
I do not hold some of the social identities that I discussed in describing my
ideal self. I discussed how I wanted to make a difference in the world. In
evaluating my ‘real self’, I realized that I am not currently a volunteer for Habitat
for Humanity or a local shelter. I also do not donate time as a big brother in my
community. In evaluating my social roles, I realized that there are gaps
between my ideal and real self.
I also realized that the social roles I consider the
most important revolve around my career and friends. I found that I consider
the friendships that I have created important because I want to bring joy to
the people in my life. I also discovered that my views on my social identities
have undertaken a change in the last ten years.
Growing up in Mississippi, everything seemed to be
one size fits all where social choices were almost made for you. In the area I
grew up in the assembly line consisted of going to school, going to church each
week (which I have nothing against and am not trying to degrade), going to one
of the state universities, coming back to central Mississippi, getting married,
and having children. Even your political party is chosen for at an early age!
Anything different is considered unusual. However, moving to Florida helped me
to understand both cultural and social differences and I began to grow.
One social identity that I would like to expand is
my cultural impact at work. The leadership program and the recent evaluation of
my ‘real self’ aided me in understanding that professional cultures can be
altered in a positive way. I would like to be a key in helping to change the
professional culture in my department.
While taking a look at my social relationships, I
realized that my harmonious relationships are with friends and coworkers who
share a pro-world and cultural mindset. I seem to have a more resonant
relationship with individuals who also possess some of my values.
Unfortunately, my values are not shared by the majority of my family members
because they have been guided by a very particular take on the world which was developed
in Mississippi.
The discovery of my real self also taught me that I
expend more energy in dissonant relationships because I try to honor my
authentic self while not rocking the boat. I realized that I have to be careful
of my actions in an effort not to create a more stressing relationship. I also
realized that the three relationships that need my attention the most are on my
mother’s side of the family.
In defining my true self, I also determined that my
strengths are centered on ethics, fairness, and equality. Some of the strengths
I listed were ethical, honest, kind, compassionate, equal, polite, and
respectful. I realized that I see myself as an individual who attempts to
create resonance. I want to be the positive part of someone’s day. I also
thought about some of the things I try to avoid in my personal and professional
life. I discovered that I dislike anything that is unethical, untrustworthy, or
judgmental. Taking a quick moment to revisit my dissonant family relationships,
I believe they revolve around judgments. I do not believe these judgments are
intentional, in fact, I do not believe my family even knows they are occurring.
However, the beliefs they have about what is right and what is wrong are
considered judgments in my book.
Taking the time to evaluate my ‘real self’ taught me
a great deal about me. I see now that I do not have a habit of changing jobs.
Maybe after I finish my degree I’ll take a risk in an attempt to grow
professionally. I also learned about my relationships with my coworkers,
family, and friends. My strengths and situations I attempt to avoid were
revealed. I feel like taking a look at my ‘real self’ can serve as a blueprint for
determining the gaps between my ideal and real self. Now that I know the real
me, I can begin to work towards my ideal self.
References
Isaken, J.V. (2013). The looking glass self: How our
self-image is shaped by society. Retrieved from http://www.popularsocialscience.com/2013/05/27/the-looking-glass-self-how-our-self-image-is-shaped-by-society/
McKee,
A., Boyatzis, R. & Johnston, F. ( 2008). Becoming a resonant leader. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School
Publishing.
Milligan, R. S. (2016). Conflict
and diversity associated with four generations in the workforce.
Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/1780574382?accountid=27203
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